Fabric Hoards Beware

A recent study has indicated that fabric gives off certain Pheromones, that actually hypnotize women and cause them to purchase unbelievable amounts of fabric.  When stored in large quantities, in enclosed spaces, the Pheromones (in the fabric) cause memory loss and induce the nesting syndrome (similar to the ones squirrels have before the onset of winter, i.e. storing food) therefore perpetuating their species, and not having a population loss due to their kind being cut up into pieces and mixed with others.

Sound tests have also revealed that these fabrics emit a very high-pitched sound, heard only by a select rare breed of women known as customers. When played backwards on an LP, the sounds are heard as chants “Buy Me” “Cut Me” “Sew Me”!

In order to overcome the so-called feeding frenzy effect these fabrics cause, one must wear a face mask when entering a storage facility and use ear plugs to avoid being pulled into their grip. (One must laugh however at the sight of customers in a fabric store, with WW2 gas masks and headphones!)

Studies have also indicated that aliens have inhabited the earth, helping to spread the effect that these fabrics have on the human populations. They are called fabric store clerks. It’s also been my experience that these same Pheromones cause a pathological need to secret these fabric purchases away when taken home (or at least blend them into the existing stash) and when asked by a significant other if the fabric is new, the reply is “I’ve had it for awhile”.

(Originally published in August 1997

in the Western North Carolina Quilters Guild Newsletter)

Written by Kathy (Smith) Harris, Tuscon, AZ

 

About quilnei1

After a 2005 house fire that was a total loss, Lori's family rebuilt on the same spot they had raised their children in since coming to Minnesota in 1996. In the process of choosing house plans, Lori and her sister Joni, began to dream. The dream included a quilt studio, a room large enough to hold a longarm quilt machine. Now after 6 years, the dream is a reality. Lori has quilted occasionally over the years as has Joni. For the last 13 years Joni has run a small sewing business out of her home making leotards for area gymnastic teams. Both sisters come from a family of quilters - mom, aunts, daughters and grandma have all built the tradition into the family. Now we are offering longarm quilt services for hire. Please contact us in you have quilt tops that you need to have finished into quilts.
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